I've always been one of those people who want to make a change... To make a difference... And as I look down at my body, I realize just how far I've come...
You see, I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant with my Rainbow... That's quite a change... Quite a difference... But I am still dealing with losses of my own... Losing two confirmed pregnancies and one suspected doesnt make things easy for me...
Looking toward the future I will always be reminded of the babies I lost... Jade... Christopher... Serenity... And in turn I will always be reminded of babies like Preston, Hunter, Connor and Benjamin... Silas, Joanna...
I wonder how many are lucky enough to have their rainbow... To have that monumental change in their life... How many can look to the future with smiles on their faces because they have a rainbow, and change, to look forward to...
Its funny how without people there would be no change... Without people there would be no life lessons learned, no little miracles called children... No one would experience things good or bad... Its people, whether you've had good experiences or bad, that make all the difference in the world...
My friend Cat wrote a blog post about survival... Oddly my life has been full of that... And unfortunately most of it hasnt been the positive type of survival... I once didnt see the point of looking toward the future, but because people were so derogatory I made up my mind to prove them wrong... Until my body started working against me...
When you meet me personally I seem... Aloof... My scarred past is easily visible and is often felt because I'm not social in the slightest... I DON'T like people... Much :D It takes a while of watching and observing before I'll interact with my surroundings, especially if those surroundings are people... Yet as I said its people that make a difference... Chris, Jade, Ben and Connor, Silas, Preston, Cat... Those beautiful souls have touched mine and made a difference. The support I get and have from Cat and so many others that are on the board that Cat and I frequent... I never in my life expected such understanding... Such love and acceptance... And from total strangers that I am now honored to call my friends and family...
Cat say's I've made a difference... Maybe I have... But the difference she and so many others have made in my life are the inspiration and driving force behind my desire to make a difference to the people who need it most. She honors her precious baby boy and spreads a bit of happiness and I want to help her.
Losing a child isnt easy... Losing more than one really fucking sucks (excuse the profanity). But those tiny people make an impact... Maybe not on everyone... But they certainly leave a mark.
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