I found out I was pregnant that day... I was two weeks late for my period... I saw the stick say 'Pregnant'... I was floored... After all the times on never being able to get a stick to turn I finally turned one... There was no guessing this time... Matt and I were gonna be parents... Or so I thought... Little did I know, this was the beginning of my bittersweet memories...
It is now May 22nd, 2014, and I am pregnant. I shouldn't be pregnant right now... Why? I was pregnant... Due on Valentine's Day of this year... The day of me and Matt's first year anniversary... But my baby, our baby isnt here... He joined his big brother Jade up in heaven... And our second child, my third, nicknamed Lil' Bean now grown within my womb...
This blog isnt for the faint of heart. I don't need your scorn, your pity, your scathing comments. I need your compassion, your warmth, your empathy. I need your acknowledgement of my sons and a possible Chemical Pregnancy...
Losing a child is one of the hardest things you can ever experience... Whether this child is concieved naturally, or assisted (IUI, IVF, ICSI etc...), or because you felt you had to terminate for medical reasons, or an adoption didn't go through... It all hurts like hell... To find out those dreams and hopes suddenly disappear as soon as they came is hard to deal with...
I'm going back into my past, and reliving it, getting it down, in the hopes that I can be a better parent for Bean, and make my angels proud in the process.
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