So Matt and I went to Wal-Mart today... And Half Priced Books... And I got Bean his first book... I figured 'Why not?' I need to start talking to him anyway and this is definitely a good way to start, considering I feel awkward if I try to do it like I'm actually talking to someone...
But I think it's actually starting to sink in... I'm having another son... I'm talking baby stuff now... Cosleepers, books, clothes. Carseats... And I'm thinking 'Where am I gonna fit all this stuff?'
I cant help but think is this what would have happened if Chris was still here? I know he's watching us, and so is Jade.
I look at the pictures of two of my three boys... Chris and Bean... I have no pics of Jade. I lost him at around 6w. I never had that first ultrasound or anything... I look at Chris and Bean and I smile... I was blessed with a second chance... Chris is a big brother, something I never thought was going to happen... But Bean is here, and is still going strong.
My heart swells with pride when I see Bean's pics. He looks so much like Chris... So long and lanky. This is Bean... But I can't help but see Chris in him. And I'm not sad... I'm so proud of my sons. All three of them...
Its sinking in... I have three boys... And this third one is the one I get to take home. I have the best group of Dr's I could hope for... Third time really is a charm.
<3 <3
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