Today's been a tiring day. I had my TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) pre-trial hearing today and while it was quick, I'd rather not have had to do it in the first place. The emotion that spans this entire process is mostly disbelief and anger- when I'm not emotionally and mentally burned out. On a good note, I've got the same lawyer/attorney, but this entire case is utter and complete bullshit.
It is what it is though, and I can't change the past. Though for the first time in my life, I actually regret something. I suppose it's a good thing- I've learned a lot- but it's also solidified my hatred for people even more... and politics. Bureaucrats are nothing more than dirty little liars that use the law and any other means to destroy your life... Or at least that's the type I've been saddled with... Fucking Narcissists. As if living with one wasn't bad enough, I've got to deal with a whole team of them. *sigh* Fuck my life...
Working at UPS is fun though, but tiring as all get out. I load a trailer for about five hour straight (four hours and fifty minutes if you count the ten minute break), or longer if it's Monday or Tuesday. I'm amazed at how quickly I've begun to fit in there- I'm not used to fitting in. Ever the oddball, not that I usually have a problem with that. I've already begun to make friends- if you can call it that. The supervisors on my wing are pretty cool too, though about half of them are younger than I am (20-22 years old). My supervisor (currently) is female and is pretty nice, despite being female.
She was actually awesome yesterday. I'd just gotten chewed out by the wing sup(ervisor), Andy, about the fact I wasn't loading to the top of the trailer as if he had no clue how unsteady a leaning wall could be (He was frazzled so I don't blame him- we got derailed yesterday, and I'm betting it was mainly Silver Belt). After getting chewed out by him (at least he wasn't yelling), Andrea, my belt sup, came in and told me not to worry about Andy, that she knew that I was doing the best that I can; she complemented me on how well I built my walls and told me that Andy didn't see how well I built my walls because he wasn't often on Gray Belt (which is the belt I'm assigned to). I didn't tell her that I appreciated what she said, but I also didn't really have the chance. I just made her an origami lily as thanks- I didn't know how else to thank her.
I'm so frazzled about school, and so burned out that I have no clue what I'm going to do. I've got a visit with the kids tomorrow so I can't do any homework then, and I've still got my business plan to do. *sigh* This sucks. I totally need a break from life. I really need to make a schedule so that I can start catching up and actually stay on schedule with my classes. School is fun though, I'm learning a lot and my Professors are awesome. I fit in at school too, which is odd but nice.
My personal life is rather hectic as well, CPS/DCS not included. Work has me exhausted, and I'm trying to save up to move out of my current living situation, which is abusive. It's going ok I suppose (the saving up I mean), but of course I wish I had the money now so I didn't have to keep dealing with Matt's bullshit. I'm just tired of being so exhausted all the time., of wanting to do nothing but sleep.
It'll happen... Soon I'll break free of these chains and be free. Soon... I'll spread my wings and fly.
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